{Craigslist posting}

So I like to purues the FREE section on Craigslist.com because sometimes they have some nice stuff for free advertised on there. One post caught my eye entitled "2 fugly green sofa's". Of course I had to click on it and see what made them so fugly because I hadn't heard that word in a very long time. The couches really weren't too ugly and appeared to be in decent shape. It was the description that was very funny. Just thought I would share with you all. Enjoy a good chuckle!

I have two very fugly free sofas. They are my wife's first post-college furniture, and they're hideous. She bought them *NEW*. See the attached pictures. From what she tells me, that was the least offensive color and pattern available (which would've made me shop elsewhere, but getting back to the point...)

These sofas are guaranteed to be free of jizz, urine, and other bodily fluids (both human and animal). Well, maybe some baby puke once or twice over the years, but we did a good job cleaning it as it happened. I do let my 4 and 7 year old daughters play with the seat cushions when they want to play "fort" or "kitchen". This is the most use they've gotten in their entire lives.

Never smoked in or on, and they don't stink. Well, I've never noticed any smell and I'm fairly sensitive to odors, but I'll go on record that I don't make a habit out of sniffing sofas. Hey, I think I just invented a new fetish. sofasniffer.com isn't taken, BTW. Oh, no holes in the sofas or cushions, either.

Let me go in to detail about each:

The first is a hide-a-bed. It's a *PLAID* hide-a-bed. If you ever slept on this sofa, you wouldn't be able to get the thought that you were sleeping on a plaid hide-a-bed out of your mind and wouldn't be able to sleep. Plus, it's a really thin matress (also guaranteed bodily fluid free because no one ever was stupid enough to have slept on it), and not very comfortable. We managed to find several years' worth of old Ritz crackers, tons of cat hair, and other unmentionables when we cleaned it recently. It's also "firm", which by that I mean "hard". If you hit someone in the face with these cushions, they're going *DOWN*. We didn't do anything to it - I swear - it came from the factory this way! However, I strongly suspect that the hide-a-bed is really great thing for people who get a little too wasted at a party and fall asleep watching Yo Gabba! Gabba! You'll wake up with one hell of a backache but will at least avoid killing someone by avoiding driving.

The second is a "love seat". I use the word "love" in the way that a man "loves" a cheap hooker, only resorting to her when you are low on money. About the only person that this love seat would impress would be a cheap hooker, so maybe everyone wins. You cannot sit up in this love seat comfortably with one person, let alone two, or even if you're one person who is as wide as two.

These sofas have the visual aesthetics of Andy Warhol with the engineering of a Yugo. Not only did the designer fail miserably on appearance, he also failed horribly on functionality as well. And I know it's a "he", too. No woman would ever design something so hideous. It's the Roger Corman movie equivalent of sofa design, folks.

We had to get rid of my old knobby brown sofa that I loved (and she hated) back in ~2000, so I think it's high time I get rid of her fugly sofas. That, and I just bought her another nice living room set to pacify her.

I also should post some guidelines, here, about what "free" means. It means:

* I will not deliver.

* I will not help you carry them to your vehicle. They're heavy.

* I will not hold them for you

* It is "as is", as in "I'm not doing squat to them"

First come first served. Toy penguin not included. Email for pickup details.