{Self Love}

Hi, I'm Arya and I have just turned THIRTY THREE!!! I am happy to say that fashion wise I finally bought a pair of "jeggings" (jeans meets stretch pants) for the first time and I normally wouldn't wear them but stepped out of my comfort zone and took a leap on a black pair. They are comfortable and I LOVE how I look in them. I also LOVE that I am starting to feel comfortable in my skin and not just feel like some skinny girl trapped in a fat girl body - I actually like how my style is evolving and how I am now able to wear more fitting clothes that show my curves instead of wearing too big clothes that make me look like I threw a king size blanket on as a shirt.

I am enjoying life and trying not to let the little stuff slow me down and sure I want to lose weight and I actually have lost 15 lbs so far but regardless of if I make it to my goal or not I am happy with the body I have. It's amazing and gave life to my four babes, how could I not love it.

Thirty three has started off with a huge bang of SELF LOVE!! Stop the negative/hate talk in your head and start to replace it with positive/loving talk. As women I find we tend to be harder on ourselves and more critical of our bodies because of all the excessive media out there talking about how we need to be a size 2 to be happy. Well, I am here to tell you that you don't. Be happy with yourself and others will want to be around you because of it. 

Just be happy with where your at, even if you want to change it, love yourself at whatever stage your at in your journey and remember your not alone. Some days are going to be harder then others but always try to say something nice about your body before you go to bed and again when you wake up and soon those negative thoughts will fade and be replaced with wonderful positive thoughts and one day you will just look at yourself and know how beautiful you really are.

I have been married to my hubby for almost 13 years and for most of that time I hated how I looked and hated the curves and rolls that seemed to take over my body, especially after being pregnant nine times. And I would make comments about how hideous I was or how cow like I had become and it drove my husband nuts because he only ever saw me as sexy and beautiful and couldn't understand why I didn't see what he saw.

Now, after all that time, I see that I am sexy and beautiful and worthy of his love and worthy of my own love too. I now knows and see what my loving husband has always seen. A FREAKINGLY FABULOUS CURVY WOMAN!! 

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am LOVED. I am WIFE. I am MOTHER. I AM DESIRED!!

{Proud of my size: Week 5}

Of course the link up is on week 10 but I was a bit late starting it with them. I am so proud of how much better I am feeling in my clothing since I started taking my pictures for these posts. I know before this link up started I wouldn't have dared the outfit shown below but now I don't care what others think and I LOVE how I look in it!

I didn't want to shave my legs so I paired this dress with a pair of blue jeans and one of my favorite pair of flats, (yes you read right, I don't always shave my legs so pants are required from time to time). I love this dress as a long tunic top and sure it looks fine without the belt but lately most of my outfits have a belt for "just because" and who knew that just because things don't have the same pattern they can go together and it doesn't always have to be one pattern with a solid. I love how the cardi goes with pattern on the dress.

I didn't realize it until editing these images just how orangey/red my hair has become, not that I mind, it's just way brighter then I remember it being, then again I have been out in the summer sun alot more so it's not as dark as it usually is.

Now go check out the others linked up or link up yourself by clicking on the button at the end of the post!! It's oodles of fun and show your love for all the others sharing who they are and their sizes.

Dress, belt, cardigan and jeans: old navy
shoes: thrifted
glasses: eyemart express
flower headband: won in a giveaway

 

{I made Pinterest!}

I have like twelve boards over at pinterest, one of which is "for the kitchen" and I have been baking some recipes that I have "pinned". Below are a few that I have tried.

I am working on getting healthy and making a lifestyle change that includes getting rid of foods that contain all the preservatives, additives, dyes and unnecessary fats/sugars . I am buying "organic" (YES, I am becoming a HIPPIE - get used to it!) and wholesome foods and if I do buy something in a jar it has to have ingredients I can read and I don't buy things with "high fructose corn syrup" in it because the corn syrup (most of it anyways) is from Genetically Engineered Corn and I want to keep that stuff off our plates and just stick to the basics.

Ya know like our grand parents and great grand parents used to eat - Milk from the dairy man in a glass jar, foods grown without lots of herbicides/pesticides and without given growth hormones or excessive antibiotics. Food that looks and smells and TASTES good. Food that I can be proud to serve my family.

We are not going to be going to restaurants be it fast food or a sit down place because we don't know where they get their food or what they are putting into our food. I want control over what goes into our bodies and since having my kids I have been doing them a huge disservice in regards to what I have let them shove into their mouths.

I gotta tell you that since changing what I am buying and cutting out all the CRAP that I couldn't read on a label my kids behavior has begun to improve, they are less grouchy and don't fight as much (don't misunderstand they still fight, they're siblings, but it's not as much as they did a month ago) and I am loving the change.

I am aslo starting to look into Nutrition based healing because I feel that I am lacking in some things and want to explore my options instead of just relying on my doctor to tell me what to do and I sure don't want to be put on medications that I may not even need. I am interested in the Gerson Theory and want to look more into it since most doctors don't always go the natural route and like to dole out prescriptions like they are candy.

Don't get me wrong, I think doctors are great at helping and healing in most ways but I would rather heal naturally then be given a pill that I could have a bad reaction too (which as I get older I am finding I am having reactions to medications I didn't have say 2 years ago).

Well enough about my hippi-fication and onto the recipes!

My first batch of homemade tortilla's!! YUMMY!!

My first try was tortillas made by Home Sick Texan and I must say this recipe made it into my recipe binder!

Texas Flour Tortillas  (makes 8 tortillas)

Ingredients:

Two cups of all-purpose flour (can make them whole wheat by substituting one cup of whole-wheat flour for white flour)

1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder

1 teaspoon of salt

2 teaspoons of vegetable oil

3/4 cups of warm milk

Method:

Mix together the flour, baking powder, salt and oil.

Slowly add the warm milk.

Stir until a loose, sticky ball is formed.

Knead for two minutes on a floured surface. Dough should be firm and soft.

Place dough in a bowl and cover with a damp cloth or plastic wrap for 20 minutes.

After the dough has rested, break off eight sections, roll them into balls in your hands, place on a plate (make sure they aren’t touching) and then cover balls with damp cloth or plastic wrap for 10 minutes. (It’s very important to let the dough rest, otherwise it will be like elastic and won’t roll out to a proper thickness and shape.)

After dough has rested, one at a time place a dough ball on a floured surface, pat it out into a four-inch circle, and then roll with a rolling pin from the center until it’s thin and about eight inches in diameter. (If you roll out pie crusts you’ll have no problem with this.) Don’t over work the dough, or it’ll be stiff. Keep rolled-out tortillas covered until ready to cook.

In a dry iron skillet or comal heated on high, cook the tortilla about thirty seconds on each side. It should start to puff a bit when it’s done.

Keep cooked tortillas covered wrapped in a napkin until ready to eat.

Can be reheated in a dry iron skillet, over your gas-burner flame or in the oven wrapped in foil.

I hate my cell phone camera sometimes...it wasn't really this yellow but it was delish!

My next attempt was a Chicken Hand Pocket made by Sophistimom. 

chicken hand pies or chicken pasties

1 medium potato, peeled and diced

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 small onion, finely diced

1 stalk celery, finely diced

2 large carrots, chopped

1 tablespoon butter

1 tablespoon unbleached all-purpose flour

1 14 ounce (400mL) can low sodium chicken stock

1 bouillon cube (I actually prefer Better than Bouillon–just use a tablespoon)

salt and pepper to taste

1-2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1/2 inch pieces

pastry dough (recipe follows)

1 egg, plus a teaspoon of water, beaten

1. Place potatoes in a medium saucepan, and cover with water. Bring to a boil over high heat. Cook until potatoes are tender to the point of a knife. Drain and set aside. While the potatoes cook, set a large skillet over medium low heat and add in the olive oil, onion, celery, and carrots. Cook until onions are very tender, about 12-15 minutes.

2. Melt butter into the mixture and stir in flour. Let cook for 2 minutes or so, just to let the flour taste cook out. Pour in about half of the can of chicken stock. Add the bouillon and potatoes. Let simmer a few minutes and taste for flavor. Add salt and pepper if needed. Add in chicken and simmer until cooked through. The mixture should be thick, but not too dry. Add more chicken stock until you achieve the desired consistency (I used the whole can). Store mixture in refrigerator until ready to use (the pies are easier to make if the filling is cold).

3. Preheat oven to 425 degrees (220 degrees celsius). Place a piece of parchment paper in a baking sheet and set aside. Roll out the pastry dough on a floured board into an 18×22 inch rectangle (don’t measure! just guess). Cut in half, and then cut each half in thirds, to make 6 equal smaller rectangles.

4. Spoon 1/4 cup (about 4 tablespoons) of the chicken mixture onto one of the rectangles of dough, placing it slightly off center. Wet the edges of the dough with a pastry brush and water, and fold the longer end of the pastry up and over the filling. Press the dough down to seal it, and then crimp with the edges of a fork. Place on the prepared baking sheet. Make two incisions in the top of the pastry with a sharp knife, and brush with the beaten egg and water. Repeat with remaining 5 pastries. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.

5. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until the pastry is golden brown and puffed.

pastry dough

2 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

1 teaspoon sugar (optional)

1 stick (112g) cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes

1 egg, slightly beaten

1/3 cup ice cold water

1. In a food processor fitted with the blade attachment, pulse together the flour, salt, and sugar. Add in the butter, and pulse a few times until the mixture is crumbly and resembles coarse meal. Combine the egg and water in a container (remove all ice pieces). While the processor is running, pour the water/egg mixture in and pulse until mixture just comes together.

2. Pour mixture out onto a floured board and knead a few times to bring all the ingredients together. Dough can be rolled out immediately, or it can be wrapped in plastic and refrigerated for up to 2 days.

Hubby liked it and so did Myrna...the older kids weren't up to taste it but they will in the morning!

My last try for the day was some Vanilla pudding made by Mel's Kitchen Cafe. I added a bit of cinnamon to mine and maybe later in the week I will try making the chocolate pudding too.

Homemade Chocolate Pudding

*Makes about 4 cups of pudding

1/4 cup packed light brown sugar

3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder (Dutch-process or regular)

3 tablespoons cornstarch

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 3/4 cups whole milk

1/4 cup heavy cream

1 cup milk chocolate chips (or 6 ounces bar milk chocolate chopped)

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a large saucepan, combine the brown sugar, cocoa, cornstarch and salt, whisking lightly. Whisk in the milk and cream to the sugar mixture until it is smooth. Stir in the chocolate chips and bring the mixture to a simmer over medium heat, whisking or stirring occasionally. Once the mixture is at a simmer, reduce the heat to medium-low and cook, whisking constantly, until the mixture is thickened and large bubbles pop at the surface, 2 to 3 minutes. Take the pot off the heat and stir in the vanilla.

Transfer the pudding to a large bowl and cover with plastic wrap, pressing the plastic wrap directly onto the surface of the pudding to avoid a skin starting to form. Refrigerate the pudding until it is completely cool, at least 4 hours but up to 3 days, if it is stored in an airtight container. Serve with a dollop of whipped cream...or not.

{Weekly Weigh In: Week 11}

Ok this will be my last post for a while when it comes to my weight loss. I am going the wrong way on the scale and its frustrating me and I know for a fact that I am sabotaging myself because I am feeling less adequate then ever.

this is how I feel when I stand on my scale - credit

I need to just focus on getting happier because focusing on my weight is only making me spiral further into my depression. As I have said before I am an emotional eater and when I am depressed I eat the wrong things, take for example last night I went to Walmart and picked up 3 boxes of the peeps (purple and pink) and ate all 3 packages by myself because I was trying to sooth my hurt feelings because Ruth said I was the worse parent ever.

I just need to focus on me and not the weight. If I don't get my depression under control not only is my weight going to spiral out of control but so is everything else in my life. I need to get my iron levels up to combat the anemia and I need to figure out how to deal with the carpel tunnel that is making it near impossible for me to sculpt and paint my art work.

So for now, these posts won't be happening but instead I think I will write a weekly post about how I am doing in combating my mental and health issues and how I am feeling overall about life.

{Weekly Weigh In: Week 10}

I know I didn't weigh in last week but I am going to this week...It's better then it was last week and I feel better about posting it today then I did last week.

I know I am no where near where I thought I would be by week 10 but I am trying to get myself back on track and not be so depressed and mopey. I am still fighting it but I am trying to push thru it.

This week I am going to start back up with tracking my eating at myfitnesspal and getting my fat butt off the couch and MOVE! I am going to get some sort of exercise be it walking or working out to a video or even working with the wii fit I will be moving for 30-60 min a day.

Start Weight: 302 lbs

Two Weeks Ago: 306.3

Loss/Gain: + 0.9 lbs

Current weight: 307.2 lbs

{Weekly Weigh In: Week 9}}

No scale picture, No weigh in this week. It's been insane and crazy and I haven't eaten the way I should and it shows on my scale and I am just not ready to face that fact

BUT

I did come across a lovely post on yahoo news about what some of the rules were on eating and drinking and staying healthy and what some of the new rules are now. It's called "4 Health Rules you can Break Today" by Leslie Goldman, below are the 4 rules. Check out the article for a fascinating read.

This first Rule was created in 1945 and whoever created it didn't see the whole picture....

Rule #1

Old Rule: Drink eight glasses of water a day. 
New Rule: Eat your water. 

Rule #2

Old Rule: Eat nine servings of fruits and vegetables. 
New Rule: Fill half your plate with produce. 

Rule #3

Old Rule: Avoid red meat. 
New Rule: Beef in moderation can be healthy. 

This last rule I like because as the article states most doctors don't take into account muscle mass and the person's frame size. We all come in different shapes and sizes.

Rule #4

Old Rule: Keep your BMI between 18.5 and 24.9.
New Rule: Eat healthy, exercise, and let your weight settle naturally.

{Weekly Weigh In: Week 8}

This week has been crazy and I have been sick and have a sick babe and have been emotionally eating but I have tried to remember to eat breakfast and 4-6 small meals during the day and I have been trying to cut off my eating by 8pm. I haven't started exercising with my videos or walking...

Really this week has been lacking and I have been unfocused and just trying to keep myself somewhat healthy. At least I am getting close to my start weight as of the first of the year. So at least I am going in the right direction.

*sigh*

I am just taking this one day at a time and striving to get healthy and I am going to start exercising - hopefully I get motivated soon - at least I am working in the right direction.

Start Weight: 302 lbs

Last Week: 306.3

Loss/Gain: -3.1 lbs

Current weight: 303.2 lbs

{weekly Weigh In: Week 7}

This week...*sigh* at least I lost a little instead of gained.

Start Weight: 302 lbs

Last Week: 306.8

Loss/Gain: -0.5 lbs

Current weight: 306.3 lbs

{Weekly Weigh In: Week 6}

I am struggling and sinking into food. I know I have a food addiction and eat when I am not hungry, when I am upset or even happy. I love watching Netflix and found a show called "Ruby" and saw myself in her and her journey to become healthy and over come her "beast". I have really learned alot from the first 3 seasons and I am hoping that this next week I can get my weight loss back on track and get back on the journey to becoming a healthier me.

Start Weight: 302 lbs

Last Week: 303.3

Loss/Gain: + 3.5 lbs

Current weight: 306.8 lbs

{Weekly Weigh In: Week 5}

Ugh...I have failed miserably when it comes to weight loss. I am praying that I can get myself out of this funk this month and get myself back on track. I have really failed miserably when it comes to eating when I wake up, shopping when hungry which results in junk food being brought into the house and consumed by me and eating after 7pm. Not only have I failed at that stuff but I haven't been cooking at home and have been eating fast food and drinking soda pop instead of water.

It's like I want to sabotage my progress and I believe I am succeeding in doing so. Not only is my weight loss in jeopardy but my whole life has become chaos. I sometimes feel as though I am loosing control even though I know I have the control.

This next month (aka February) I am going to strive to regain my control over the chaos and get things back to normal and my weight loss back on track. I want to squelch this darn dark cloud over me and let some light in before I start to sink even farther into the chaos.

I am up 1.3 pounds from my start weight this year...I need to get back on track, it's important.

Start Weight: 302 lbs

Last Week: 302.5

Loss/Gain: + 0.8 lbs

Current weight: 303.3 lbs

{Weekly Weigh In: Week 4}

Ugh, that's all, just UGH! I have forgotten breakfast all this week, forgotten to not eat after 7pm and I have bought and eaten junk food when stressed. depressed and overly hungry. I really shouldn't shop when I am hungry, I tend to make poor choices.

Hoping next week I do better...I know what I should and shouldn't do but it's been hard.

Start Weight: 302 lbs

Last Week: 299.3

Loss/Gain: + 3.2 lbs

Current weight: 302.5 lbs

{weekly Weigh In: Week 3}

So it's now week 3 and I am no where near what I had planned to be at, but it is all my fault between stress eating, fighting depression and just an over all struggle to love myself I haven't made much progress in three weeks.

So there it is, this week sucked in terms of weight loss but I am trying to get my act together one day/week at a time.

Start Weight: 302 lbs

Last Week: 300.6

Loss/Gain: - 1.3 lbs

Current weight: 299.3 lbs

{Weekly Weigh In: Week 2}

Start Weight: 302 lbs

Last Week: 299.5

Loss/Gain: + 1.1 lbs

Current weight: 300.6 lbs

It's been a bad week. I have been stress eating like crazy.  I am just glad that I haven't eaten late at night and I haven't forgotten breakfast which has helped alot in only gaining 1.1 pounds back. I also have been exercising this week - not in a conventional way or even in the way I wanted but I have been burning calories like crazy whenever I can.

I am going to try harder to keep my stress eating down and hope I can choose better foods when I can't resist to stress eat. I am hoping to get out and walk and enjoy this non-winter weather while it lasts.  I am keeping fresh vegi's and fruits on hand and I am going to make an effort to make home cooked meals instead of eating out or ordering in.

I am trying to make lifestyle changes - most I kept from before but I have lost some I had before and need to reassert them back into my life. This is alot harder the second time around but I am going to take it one day at a time, really that's all I can do.

{Weekly Weigh In: Week 1}

Start Weight: 302 lbs

Loss/Gain: - 2.5 lbs

Current weight: 299.5 lbs

Last week I was 302 pounds and today I am 299.5 pounds. Even though I haven't been eating so well (check what I have been eating here) I have lost a bit of weight and I think it's because I have been making the effort to actually eat breakfast in the mornings.

I have been working on making sure I drink lots of water, eat at least 3 meals a day and have a snack or two inbetween meals and I really think it's helping. I am just working on stifling my cravings for sweets. This week has been hard since I have been "visited".

This next week I am going to work on my eating habits, (eating better and watching my portion sizes).  I am also going to start walking a minimum of 30 minuets each day and increasing it by 30 min each week until I am up to 2 hours of walking.  I need to get moving regularly and I think this is the first step to getting back into shape.

{Weekly Weigh In starts again!}

This is my first weight related post of the new year. My goal for this year is to lose at least 50 pounds in 2012. I want to be healthier, happier and lose the weight in a fashion that will be a lifestyle change and not some fad pill or diet that won't help me in the long run.

My weekly weigh in posts will include what I have eaten, how I exercised and healthy tid-bits on how to make lifestyle changes.

I will be using My Fitness Pal to help me track what I eat every day. It's free and is extremely helpful.

I bought a weight watchers scale from costco 'cause I needed a new one that was more accurate and had a nice bright and was easy to read and plus I wanted it to photograph well because with each post I will include a photo of what my scale says.

My starting weight

My starting weight: 302.0 pounds

Where I want to be by the end of 2012: 252.0 pounds

{New Ring & Self Portraits}

I have some Zuppa Soup cooking in my crockpot and I just pulled out some Parmesan crusted rolls out of the oven and now I can just sit and relax for a moment and blog. Of course I don't really have much to blog about, life is what it is - I am struggling with my weight and my health and have been for over a year BUT I am trying to look on the bright side of things.

I was able to get to church this morning and earlier this week my new wedding set came (nothing fancy or expensive, just more me). It's perfect and it doesn't catch on anything (not even Myrna) and it fits my personality much better. It's Sterling Silver w/cubic zirconia stones all around and it didn't cost much at all. I also got it not only for me but because I was tired of the "looks" I would get when I didn't have a ring on my finger and had all the kids with me. I know it's probably not real (the looks I mean) but now I don't have to wonder...They can clearly see now that I am married.

After church, I was feeling good and so I took some self portraits with my little workhorse. I want to cut my hair but Ruth says she likes it longer so I think I will keep it long til summer comes around...

Below are the recipes for the Zuppa soup and the rolls - both I found on blogs in my blog roll but I couldn't say for sure which one as I forgot to put where I found them...

Zuppa Tuscana Soup

1lb pork sausage

1 small onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

6 slices bacon (optional)—I added what was left after my kids ate most of it

6 cups chicken broth (I used boxed broth and chicken bouillon with water)

4 potatoes, peeled and sliced

2 cups chopped kale

1 Tbsp. Italian seasoning

1 cup cream

pepper to taste

Brown sausage with onion (add garlic the last couple of minutes. Drain if needed. Cook potatoes and kale in broth till tender. Add sausage, Italian seasoning, and cream and heat through. Add pepper to taste.

Parmesan Dinner Rolls

For the Dough

1 cup warm water

1 cup warm milk 

1/3 cup sugar

2 1/4 teaspoon (1 pack) yeast

1/3 cup oil (I used veggie oil)

1 T salt

1 egg

4 1/2 to 5 1/2 cups all purpose flour

For the Topping

1/2 cup parmesan

1/2 cup panko bread crumbs

2 T butter

1/2 tsp Italian seasoning

1 egg white

 

Directions: 

In mixer combine yeast, sugar, and warm water and milk; let bubble for about 5 minutes. 

Add in oil and egg. 

Slowly add 2 cups flour, mix and then add salt. 

Add 1/2 cup flour at a time until it comes away from side of bowl. Add the cinnamon chips when it gets close to the right consistency. The dough will be very sticky but the softer the dough the lighter the bread. So use the least amount of flour you can handle. 

Let rise in mixing bowl for about 30 minutes. 

Form in to rolls (pulling sides under, tucking the sides and and pinching into balls )

Let rise and additional 30 minutes. 

Melt butter and let cool. Beat egg white and combine with the rest of the topping ingredients. Press combination onto the top of each roll.

Bake at 400 degrees for 12-20 minutes. Cover with foil if the topping is getting to brown.

 Makes 16-32 rolls (depending on size)

My fingers look so old - up close that is

My messed up guest bed in the background...lol

This one is my favorite of me...I may just get this framed.

{We all Scream for Ice Cream}

I have been searching for one of those old crank ice cream makers that my great grandmother used to have and was bummed that I couldn't make homemade ice cream for my kids like I had had as a child. Well one day while waiting for hubby I came across an article the Food Network magazine showing how to make ice cream using a bucket with a tight lid, ice cubes, rock salt, plastic baggie and a nice ice cream recipe that involved no cooking. I tried it out and it was AWESOME!!

I figured that there had to be a better way to make it though so I looked on youtube to find some good video and came across quite a few talking about making ice cream in baggies and I tried it and it was super easy and my kids can make their own ice cream this way too.

You can use any ice cream recipe you want just make sure you cool down to room temperature any recipe that involves cooking on the stove - don't wanna melt the baggie.

I have lots of frozen bananas in my freezer (I buy bananas at Albertson's when they have them all bagged up and tagged "over ripe" - they aren't actually over ripe but just ripe bananas with little brown spots on them - but they are cheaper by like 20-30¢ cheaper per pound and on some days I get the whole bag for less then a dollar).

When the kids don't eat them up I put them in the freezer, sometimes I put them in with the peel on sometimes I take the time to peel them and put them on a cookie sheet to freeze them then once frozen they go into a big baggy.

I was wondering what to do with them since alot of my freezer space was being over run with cheap bananas. While looking in a magazine (not sure which one - some cooking one I am sure) I saw a fun and easy way to use up all my frozen bananas - make a fool proof ice cream with it!! And boy did it taste yummy! My kids love it and I love making it. Below is a quick video about how to make it in a food processor (I have one and this is how I make mine up).









I am using these while trying to lose weight and let me tell you, if I am craving anything anymore, if I can't make it I don't bring it into my home and I am finding that if I make it, I don't eat as much of it either and with the ice cream in a baggie I get a good work out too - BONUS!!