(taken January 23, 2010)
I took a dollar store pregnancy test yesterday because I was supposed to get my monthly visitor and she never showed. So I thought, "Why not, it's only a dollar and I know it's going to be negative anyways." Obviously, I was wrong, or at least I think I am. I am going to give my visitor until the middle of next week to show and if she doesn't I will take another test to confirm the above test.
Now, I know what your thinking, "it shows 2 lines, your pregnant", but just hear me out. I have put my mind in a state of "being pregnant just isn't going to happen for me again." I gave away my crib to a family in desperate need of one and put all my crib bedding up on craigslist, of course now I won't sell the bedding and I don't feel bad about giving my crib away, it is going to help out a wonderful family who needs it more then I do. I also figured because I just had a miscarriage I wouldn't get pregnant again for a few more months. I mean it did take quite a few to get pregnant again after my miscarriage during the summer. I also am thinking that the dollar store test is defective, look at the squiggly second line.
My other reason for not believing the test is because I had blood work done to test for antibodies & to see if I was pregnant. (both tests came out as negative) But my doctor did say that just because the blood pregnancy test came out negative doesn't mean I wasn't pregnant because you have to be so far along for the blood test to register the hormone levels.
I know I am in denial, but I am taking the vaginal suppositories, just in case. So, I will take another pregnancy test later this week and if it's positive I will set up a time to see an OB and get blood confirmation.
Don't get me wrong, I want to be pregnant but after the last two miscarriages (4 total since I got married, two inbetween my middle & last baby and two within the last six months). I just don't know...I hope it's true & hope it decides to stay but I have some doubts & worries creeping in.
I know most people wouldn't blog about this but it helps me to write it all down and maybe, just maybe someone else will know how I feel & not feel alone in their journey to get pregnant.