Saturday, January 19, 2008

{Stressed out}

I have not been getting much sleep lately - I am lucky if I get 3 hours each night of uninterrupted sleep. I know it's the stress (something I thought I had under control, but see that I really don't) of William's upcoming surgery and of other little things plaguing my life right now. I am wondering what I can do to make it easier to sleep at night and nothing comes to mind except to just keep busy during the day and slow it down at night.

I have several pictures in frames that I need to get up on my walls and haven't taken the time to get them up. There is sooo much that I should be getting done - like my list for my mother in law about what to do with the kids while we are gone and what the routine is. Finishing up the laundry and making sure everything is good to go for next week. Sometimes it really just seems so overwhelming!

When the school and the bus transportation couldn't communicate after not dropping off Sam, I lost it and took it out on the receptionists and principle at the school. I know I was right in feeling mad and upset but I know my behavior wasn't helping either - it's like I had a mini breakdown and I just emotionally snapped for a bit. I am writing a letter to apologize and send it in on Tuesday with the kids to give to the office. I would take it in personally but we have William's pre-op on Tuesday. I just felt awful after my outburst/rant and completely embarrassed as well. I mean I have made an ass of myself before but never like this and it was like I was outside myself - seriously am I losing my mind? Probably but I hope it doesn't happen again.

William has been having fun the past few days hanging out with his D&D buddies on Thursday and Friday. I haven't seen him so happy since he got back from Iraq. It's been a nice change of pace to say the least. The kids don't bother him as much and so the house hasn't been as chaotic as it usually is. It helps too that we are getting into our new routine very well. It's becoming less of a struggle with the kids and becoming more like I believe families should behave together - or at least I dream they should be...ha ha.

Anywho, I need to get going and get stuff done today...I feel drained and I know I am coming down with something that the kids brought home from school...but it would figure because how run down I have let myself become. Before I go, there is a positive perspective listed below. Enjoy and I will write more later - at least I hope I will and not get too busy or sidetracked.

(Yep, started over in the count because I got sidetracked the last time around)

1. The kids are playing and screaming with glee and instead of being mad with them and yelling I am taking pleasure in their delight.

2. William put together some books for me to take and trade for store credit at Powell's Book store. He wants me to pick up the photography book I want. Isn't he just too sweet!

3. Ruth comes up to me to tell me after she has poo'ed in her diaper that she is "stinky" all the while holding her nose. It's a cute site and a very good sign that soon she will be ready to be potty trained. I can't wait til she is out of diapers.

4. I got the pictures put into frames, now if I can just get them on the wall I would be set.

5. I got my last two books in the mail this last week. They are awesome! I am really happy they turned out so well.

6. I finished up my client book and now just awaiting it's arrival.

7. I am glad I have a place to vent my frustrations, joys and sorrows. It really does help me to focus and sort thru my thoughts, ideas and life.

8. Life is full of stress and turbulence that it keeps us on our toes and life interesting. Although I would be happy if things went smoothly a little bit more...ha ha.

9. I know what I am going to fix for dinner - usually I don't know what I am going to do until right before I fix it.

10. The boys haven't fought with eachother much today, it's been a nice change of pace and alot more quiet and peaceful.

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